Having difficulties getting off the way you used to? Is 50 Shades of Grey no longer doing it for you? Has reading BDSM erotica gradually lost its sheen, rendering it banal, unexciting, even boring? If you answered yes to any of these it’s time to congratulate yourself, because you’ve ascended beyond the painfully vanilla plane in which the common plebeian exists. You’ve hoovered up so much god damn erotica that you’ve become desensitized. For a solution, look to the meth addict who trades up for heroin, because it’s time for you to take the next step: It’s time to dive into the rarefied world of dinosaur erotica.
Luckily you the discerning connoisseur won’t have to go far for your smut. In fact, it’s right there on your Kindle. For only $2.99 for an estimated $15 pages! Wow! What a steal!
Even better, it appears to encompass an entire sub-genre of erotica. All written by the same author mind you, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Surely writing such a fantastically large lion’s share of dinosaur porn (dare we say dinorotica? Oh, we dare) qualifies you as a master of the genre.
“I stood in the middle of my village, right in the the dusty center which is traditionally used for ceremonial duties and celebrations.”
Oh. W-well, people sometimes make, you know, mistakes — especially when writing a whopping 15 pages of fictional dinorotica! Who cares if it’s in the mid– wait, what? That’s the very first sentence? I can’t get off to this. Who is this alleged “author?”
“Hi! I’m just a plain old, everyday Midwestern girl that lives a normal life. However, while my outward tastes are relatively simple, my inner thoughts are filled with lusty thoughts of big, strong, powerful monsters having their way with beautiful maidens.
Almost all of my stories fall under the Monster Sex genre, and come from the inner desires that spring from my mind.
Thank you for looking at my author page and thank you for your support. I hope you enjoy these tales of beautiful maidens exploring their lust for these powerful creatures as much as I had writing them.” -
“…Midwestern girl that lives a normal life,”? She’s like … a Stephenie Meyer?
The Dinorotica author herself
Maybe we’ve gone too harsh too fast. Maybe she does better in her other books. Like that one about the gryphons, or the dragons, or even her hot little page-turner featuring orcs! At least one of them has to be the next Twilight, None of these stories, by the way, exceed 18 or so pages. Here, have a gander at the book description for the gryphon one (emphasis ours):
This story was written to unlock your darkest fantasies and innermost desires. It is not for the faint of heart and is not your mother’s erotica.All of the sexual descriptions found in this book are very explicit in nature. It’s not suitable for someone under 18 years of age. Read at your own risk.
A beautiful daughter of a powerful nobleman is indentured to serve a strange lord for the rest of her life after her father’s vassal is conquered. Since she is of high birth, she is tasked to take care of the kingdom’s majestic Gryphons, half-lion and half-eagle beasts. She loves her job, despite being a slave, and she finds the Gryphons alluring beyond words. One Gryphon especially catches her eye. This Gryphon is bigger and somehow more handsome than the others. One day while she is feeding her eye-catching Gryphon, she is startled when the Gryphon breaks out of its enclosure and whisks her away into the sky. While she’s soaring through the air with the Gryphon, it starts clawing at her clothing, tearing it away. It doesn’t take her long to realize what the Gryphon truly wants from her. But is she willing to give it away—more importantly, does she even a choice against this winged brute?” - Mounted by the Gryphon
Sex in the air? I don’t know… that’s probably a bit too much, and low oxygen isn’t my first even 5th choice for atmospheric mood setting, as it were.
And … you know, I’m not even that into dinosaurs. It’s too tame. I want actual bestiality [Ed.- the author's opinions are (for some reason) his own, and do not represent the views of OhInternet, its authors, anyone who reads this, or, we hope, anyone who tries to be even a marginally good person, really.] I mean, if the animals are extinct then it’s just necrophilia. And how vanilla is that? Vanilla necronoobs, kindly vacate the premises. Going back to our original premise, you are meth, and I’m trading up to the heroin that is weredogs (even if two of them have the same exact cover. Finding images is hard).
– Come, Boy!
“[...] huge weredog cock [...]“
